I’d conservatively estimate that over 80% of the men I’ve coached over the years have been addicted to weed, porn, alcohol or a combination of these + workaholism at some point. These vices are fine in moderation, but they’re abused by the vast majority.
What this indicates to me is that many men are dealing with mental health issues and do not have a healthy outlet to get support.
Addictions to things like weed, porn, alcohol and work are coping mechanisms to deal with emotions that aren’t allowed to be felt or expressed. In our society, men are not encouraged to be vulnerable. We are not told that it is possible to be both soft and strong. And it’s killing us. Literally. Did you know that while men are diagnosed with depression half as often as women, we die by suicide 3 to 4 times more frequently? It seems that men are less likely to talk about what’s going on with us, but we’re feeling the pain just as badly.
We’re often taught to “suffer in silence.”
I believe this avoidant attitude is one of the primary contributors to the violent shootings that have become so prevalent in American society — nearly all of which are carried out by young men.
My cousin Josh killed himself a few years ago. I’d never even met him, but it still cut me. I think about him often. He jumped off a building. I wonder if he felt that he had nobody to talk to?
That nobody would understand what he was going through?
I wonder how many other men feel like that and never say anything? That’s a recipe for disaster.
We need to teach the next generation that you can be both soft and strong.
You can be vulnerable and still masculine.
You can feel your emotions deeply and still accomplish your goals.
None of these things are mutually exclusive.
This is what I wish for the next generation of men.
Many of the men I coach aren’t even able to identify if they are depressed because they don’t have a good understanding of their emotions outside of the “productive” ones like anger or frustration. They don’t have words for the emotions because society has taught us to shut up, stuff it down and create results.
There’s a lack of emotional intelligence that needs to be addressed.
We need to teach the next generation that feeling deeply is a superpower, not a weakness. Because the way we’ve been doing things up to now…well, it’s not working.
Many men who are “high-performers” and seem to have it together are struggling. Most will do mental gymnastics to avoid admitting to themselves how deep in the hole they actually are.
But it’s real.
Dependencies on external substances like weed, porn and alcohol lead to fractured or non-existent relationships with our partners, families, friends and most importantly, ourselves.
In my experience, the only way out of these destructive patterns is to learn the skill of feeling your emotions without filters or distractions.
We have work to do as a society.
*******
Marijuana is one of the crutches that many men use to cope instead of dealing with coming up. If you’re a man (or woman) who needs support killing the habit, I’m putting together a free presentation next week to help you break the addictive marijuana loop and come back to center. It called:
Here’s what we’ll be covering at the webinar:
- How to know whether now is the right time for you to take a break from weed
- How to navigate the 3 phases of healing your relationship with marijuana
- How to take a break from weed and be able to continue using later it without getting trapped in the addiction cycle again
- Probably a lot more
If quitting or reducing your MJ usage is something that’s been on your mind for a long time, but you’ve been having trouble doing it alone — this presentation will give you some solid strategies to get you started.
BTW — I am PRO CANNABIS. I still use it, but I’ve changed my relationship to it completely over the last year after struggling for a long time.
I’m not advocating you quit forever unless YOU want to. I’m going to be sharing strategies that have allowed me to take long breaks without cravings, end the addictive loop and use marijuana as a healthy supplement, not a crutch.
If that’s interesting to you, I highly recommend you sign up.
ALSO — if you cannot make it at 5pm PST / 8pm EST on Weds, July 5th, that’s fine. Add your name anyway. I’ll send you the recording on a private YouTube link.
