As I was writing my new book, The True Artifact (get the digital / audiobook for free), I had to come to terms with my upbringing. This forced me to start asking annoying and painful questions.
Chief among these questions:
How much longer was I going to blame my parents for the areas of my life I was unhappy with?
Let’s be clear — nobody has perfect parents.
Some are a lot worse than others.
Many parents are abusive to their children emotionally, physically and many other ways. Abuse can be healed with time, but often leaves an indelible imprint which cannot be washed away. This is not acceptable. I am not condoning it.
And yet, I believe that parents who pass on trauma to their children are themselves processing trauma. Hurt people hurt people, as the saying goes.
In that way, they are doing the best they can, even if they are doing a horrible job. Raising children is hard enough and even harder when you were never raised properly yourself.
The bitter medicine: no matter what type of experience you had growing up, once you become an adult, your evolution is your own responsibility.
Even as you acknowledge some of the areas where you may have been hurt or restricted as a young person, even as you reflect on how your past has gotten you to this point, you can affirm your new strength as an adult in full control of your direction.
Your childhood is not your fault. But your adulthood is your responsibility.
Although your parents set your trajectory early, you are the pilot for the majority of your life. And now is when it counts. Where you land is dependent on your own decisions and ultimately, the degree to which you are willing to face yourself truthfully.
I guess the real question is: once you accept that you are fully responsible for you life, how do you move on from the pain of the past?
Hell if I know.
That’s the journey.
I put many of my discoveries on upbringing, emotional intelligence and deep personal development into my new book, The True Artifact. If you’d like to learn some of the lessons it’s taken me years to untangle, I highly recommend you pick up a copy of this book — you can get it via digital and audiobook for free!
